Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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