Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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