my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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