we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
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omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
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I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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