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i jhust puked up my retainher.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
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