I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
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