is your mom at the bar?
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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