you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
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I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
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Boobs speak an international language.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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