tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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