capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
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He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
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I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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