I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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