I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
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All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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