suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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