I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
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She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
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I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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