i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
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