party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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