So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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