I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize