Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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