Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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