Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
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mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
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My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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