If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
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Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
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I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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