tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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