Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
smell my finger.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize