Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
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Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
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Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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