Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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