you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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