Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize