I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Pooping to opera.
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