i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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