What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
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i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
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