I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
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