respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
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my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
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Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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