I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
It was like giving head to a cactus.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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