Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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