I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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