He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
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Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
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That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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