I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
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The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
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Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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