so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
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I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
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Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize