She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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