god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
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Mattress luging...It's a long story.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
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Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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