There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
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I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize