Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
you didnt know i had herpes?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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