I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
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I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
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