Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I currently don't understand fingers.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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