then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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