it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I have fence marks all over my body
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize