babies were throwing up all over the place
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Actions speak louder than pants.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
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That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
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I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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