I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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