I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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